Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
