and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
