So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
