it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
