I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
