My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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