Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
