I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
