I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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