Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
