i always forget guys have bellybuttons
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
