They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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