their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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