You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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