3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
