Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
