I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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