ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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