What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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