i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
