Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
