I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
