Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
