return my video game
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
