In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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