I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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