Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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