I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
