I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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