Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
