i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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