Pants 0. Shit 1.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
