who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
