we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
