If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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