the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
