Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
