it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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