God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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