So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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