david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
