We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
