Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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