"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
