so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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