return my video game
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
