'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
