Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
