there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
