I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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