As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
