its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
