I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
