Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
