That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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