I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
