How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
