oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
