Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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