No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
