I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
